New shows

I can’t start new shows

I get attached to the old ones

I crave comfort

Knowing the ending

Knowing what comes next

Knowing everything before I do anything

Squeezing into boxes I’ve outgrown

Having comfort in the familiarity

Even when it was inside those boxes where my well-being diminished

I look forward out of fear

I look back out of longing

But never am I here

Uncertainty is my enemy

Yet I find myself not knowing tomorrow

Not knowing next year

Not knowing what my life holds

For 17 years they planned my life

I knew I’d be home

I knew I’d have comfort

But what’s next is unknown

How do I stand on the ground below me

When what’s in front of me is a mystery

A dark cave is in sight

I’m desperate for a ray of light to illuminate the path ahead

While simultaneously living the last moments on this side of my life

Wishing I could go back and soak in the years I took for granted

I can’t start new shows